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That’s why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.

Jerry Seinfeld

There are more social skills required to talk one-on-one [than to an audience]. You don’t have to be socially fluid to talk to two thousand people.
JERRY SEINFELD

People Skill Socially Two
I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you’ll hit it.
JERRY SEINFELD

Essay Everything Know Well
Surveys show that the #1 fear of Americans is public speaking. #2 is death. That means that at a funeral, the average American would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.
JERRY SEINFELD

Average Country Funeral Mean People
What I don’t understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.
JERRY SEINFELD

Body Funny Inspirational Motivational Wax
Once you start doing only what you’ve already proven you can do, you’re on the road to death.
JERRY SEINFELD

Crazy Death Idea Proven
I am so busy doing nothing… that the idea of doing anything – which as you know, always leads to something – cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.
JERRY SEINFELD

Anything Cut Idea Time Witty
Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you’re comfortable with.
JERRY SEINFELD

Bless Life Torture
Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
JERRY SEINFELD

Compare Need Smart Wise
I was the best man at the wedding… If I’m the best man, why is she marrying him?
JERRY SEINFELD

Goal Life Marry Men New Wedding
Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets.
JERRY SEINFELD

Amazing Broke Dog Funny Inspire
This is one of my big things of creative pursuits. You have your idea you want to do, but then you got to figure out what does this thing want to be? You got to let it lead you a little.
JERRY SEINFELD

Creative Idea Pursuit Want
I can’t go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
JERRY SEINFELD

Bad Movie Sarcastic Stranger
There’s more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
JERRY SEINFELD

Life More Obvious Shallow
[I like to] engage with funny people, or weird people, or, you know, kind of off people. [Whereas when I meet] anybody who’s … normal … I’m not curious, I’m not interested.
JERRY SEINFELD

Engage Kind Normal People
If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.
JERRY SEINFELD

Bore Long Need Stories
If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don’t you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
JERRY SEINFELD

Airline Beach Devices

That’s why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.

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That’s why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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