Women are like parking spots, the best ones are handicapped.
ZACH BRAFFMy co-stars aren’t bad actors, but they’re no Zach Braff.
More Zach Braff Quotes
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When I first moved to L.A., I thought about turning gay. Then I realized none of the guys I was interested in was good enough for me.
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Retarded kids are the best. When they ask for an autograph I just fake sign a picture and tell them that it’s in invisible ink and it will show up later. They totally buy it. It saves me a fortune in markers.
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If a benevolent God exists, so does reincarnation. He wouldn’t send me here just once.
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It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.
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Sometimes you just gotta use what God gave you to the best of your abilities.
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Sometimes Sarah [Chalke] starts to talk about Iraq or whatever and she gets all excited, like I actually give a crap what she’s saying. Come on, she’s a woman. But still, it’s very cute.
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I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.
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Don’t get me started on cold toilet seats.
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When I was told they wanted the show to be about doctors, I was a bit reluctant to sign on, you know? I thought, why have a show about doctors when we could have a show about the real heroes, you know, like me?
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I never really understood all the hype, until I got one of my own.
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If I had a billion dollars I would…oh wait…already do.
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I’m a busy guy; I just get a lot of people that sound like me to go out and visit them. They don’t know the difference and, let’s face it, they aren’t going to be paying to see my movies anytime soon.
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When you’re the director and the writer, you never have to remember your lines, and there’s no one to call you on it. On Garden State I did different lines on every take, just making crap up. And it was great each time.
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I’d like to think that my scripts are more significant than maybe the Bible or the book that the Jews use, whatever it’s called. And that’s only when I’m having an off day.
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The success of ‘Scrubs’ allowed me to pursue anything I felt passionately about without having to worry about money. It allowed me to spend my summer work shopping my show at a nonprofit theater.
ZACH BRAFF