I’m a joke comic. I tell jokes.
DAVE ATTELLI have soundtracks for a lot of stuff.
More Dave Attell Quotes
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A lot of these kids I think are more content just to be on Facebook and the computer than they are to actually go out. They just really want to get a picture to post to their buddies, and that’s about it.
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My cousin had a baby and I was watching her breastfeed for a couple of bucks, and I’ll tell you ladies: it’s amazing.
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ltimate Frisbee Championships? It sucks to be a champion at a sport that can’t get you laid. It’s an unneeded skill like, I dunno, being the best banjo player. Or a squirter.
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A joke is a joke, and people put too much meaning behind it. They react to it in the wrong way. I mean, you can boo or laugh, and that’s pretty much what you’re supposed to do with jokes. You’re not supposed to take it any further than that.
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My day jobs… I knew I was bad at those, so I didn’t really have the confidence to think that I could do comedy. But I knew I hated the day jobs.
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When I was a kid, I really loved Indians. Native Americans. Pardon. Me.
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I love Fear Factor, but I think they’re running out of fears. It’s only a matter of time before they’re sitting around doing shots of Hepatitis C.
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Aspirin will not bring dead hookers back to life.
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Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno!
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I don’t mind a crowd’s not laughing; it’s the groans that slow down the show.
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I don’t think I’m a star or a celebrity or any thing like that.
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I have soundtracks for a lot of stuff.
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Sex and murder are the same. Well, you say the same after both don’t you? “Damn I got to get the hell out of here!” “What was I thinking!”
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I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what’s going on.
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I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials.
DAVE ATTELL






