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It makes a big difference in your life when you stay positive.

Ellen DeGeneres

I don’t need a baby growing inside me for nine months. If I’m going to feel nauseous and achy when I wake up, I want to achieve that state the old-fashioned way: getting good and drunk the night before.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Baby Funny Humor
I was doing stand-up at a restaurant and there was a chalkboard on the street out front. It said, Soup of the Day: Cream of Asparagus. Ellen DeGeneres.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Asparagus Funny Humor
Quick decision makers are often stuck behind annoying people in line at Starbucks.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Decision Lines People
Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Law Lawyer Legal System
Here are the values that I stand for: honesty, equality, kindness, compassion, treating people the way you want to be treated and helping those in need. To me, those are traditional values.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Honesty Inspiring Kindness
I know that every time I list something that I am, I am potentially alienating a whole group of people. Publicists and managers will encourage you not to say what political party you belong to, what you eat, what you don’t eat, who you sleep with and all that stuff.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Party People Sleep
A circus! 100 clowns of injustice have climbed out of the tiny clown car of this court room.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Car Room Rooms Tiny
There is something about TM. It is the only time I have that stillness… It gives me this peaceful feeling-I just love it so much.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Feelings Giving Peaceful
I get bored easily, so I need to do a lot. I’ve started a record label, so I get to nurture new talent and talk about music, which is a passion of mine. I’ve written another book. And I get to come to work and do the TV show, which is always really fun.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Book Fun Passion Talk
Beauty isn’t between a size zero and a size eight, it is not a number at all. It is not physical.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Eight Numbers Physical Zero
Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Funny Party Streamers Wall
I admire people who know they can’t sing. There are so many people out there who can’t sing, but they think they can, so they sing a lot.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Admire People Thinking
I get to do stand-up every single day. I love that live energy exchange between the audience and myself, and to get to say the things I want to say and comment on.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Comment Energy Want
My dog of 17 years just died. Oh you’re kidding?… Noooo… as funny as that is, I’m not
ELLEN DEGENERES

Dog Funny Humor
Really, he called me that? Ellen DeGenerate? I’ve been getting that since fourth grade. I guess I’m happy I could give him work.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Funny Giving Humor
The world is filled with negativity. I want people to watch me and think, “I feel good, and I’m going to make somebody else feel good today.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Feel Good People Thinking

It makes a big difference in your life when you stay positive.

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It makes a big difference in your life when you stay positive.

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