I never wanted to be famous.
DAVE ATTELLWhen I was a kid, I really loved Indians. Native Americans. Pardon. Me.
More Dave Attell Quotes
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Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno!
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I don’t watch reality TV.
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My day jobs… I knew I was bad at those, so I didn’t really have the confidence to think that I could do comedy. But I knew I hated the day jobs.
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If you go to Germany and get drunk, at some point you will try to look up Hitler in the phone book.
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I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what’s going on.
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I love Fear Factor, but I think they’re running out of fears. It’s only a matter of time before they’re sitting around doing shots of Hepatitis C.
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A joke is a joke, and people put too much meaning behind it. They react to it in the wrong way. I mean, you can boo or laugh, and that’s pretty much what you’re supposed to do with jokes. You’re not supposed to take it any further than that.
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I’m not like a performer type.
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Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people ‘the cops.’ But you know, sometimes, you’ve just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!
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I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials.
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When I first saw a strap on, I put it on my head and ran around like a rhino.
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I’m a joke comic. I tell jokes.
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Capital punishment, that thing scares me, it really does. I was talking to my friend about the electric chair, and he starts freakin’ out. He’s like ‘the electric chair? That’s too good for these people. That’s too good for them’.
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Aspirin will not bring dead hookers back to life.
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Being on the road is kind of lonely.
DAVE ATTELL