My wife said, ‘Can my mother come down for the weekend?’ So I said, ‘Why?’ And she said, ‘Well, she’s been up on the roof two weeks already.’
BOB MONKHOUSEI was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret.
More Bob Monkhouse Quotes
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I got my start in silent radio.
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Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.
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A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.
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My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.
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I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard.
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Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.
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When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to?
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I came home and found that my son was taking drugs – my very best ones too!
BOB MONKHOUSE -
I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret.
BOB MONKHOUSE -
I saw a specialist who asked me ‘Are you familiar with the phrase faecal impaction?’. I said I think I saw that one with Glenn Close and Michael Douglas.
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My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.
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I’ll never stop working. I want to die in the saddle. A day is wasted for me if I haven’t done something even mildly creative.
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Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?
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Personally, I don’t think there’s intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?
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With my wife it was sex, sex, sex…Yes, three times in 35 years.
BOB MONKHOUSE