“I’ve been doin’ drive-bys all of my life. Except the bullets are newspapers, the car is my bike.”

I have a pretty good math mind, so I can see patterns, but I don’t have a great ear. It’s like a tragedy – I can see so much more natural musical ability in so many other people.

I’m happy with what I’m doing. I try not to focus on how I’ve changed. I just try to focus on what I’m doing now.

People give me money and I don’t know why, my real collection plate is an empty cup held by a homeless guy.

I do think that stand-up comedy in general heavily favors masculinity and so I like to act a little feminine onstage.

I’m friends with a lot of comedians, but we don’t talk about material. Most comedians I know don’t watch a lot of other comedy.

Postmodern comedy doesn’t work well with very old audiences, because it’s making fun of the comedy they enjoy.

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I’d still say no.

I don’t want to try to recreate for no reason. Like, me in my bedroom, singing songs to a camera was a special thing that was at that time in my life. But I’m just not that kid. I like the format of it, but I want to be able to release things for free.

The world doesn’t need any more hot chicks or tough guys or smooth talkers – the world needs more you. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

I just try to do things on stage that I think the audience would enjoy. And I try to draw on and add to acts that I’ve enjoyed watching.

There’s a certain line between jokes and music and poetry that’s a bit blurred in my mind.

The strange thing with Wikipedia is that the first article that ever gets written about you will define your Wikipedia page forever.

Poverty. Racism. Isn’t it strange, only the homeless are begging for change?

I think the love-hate is fundamental. Everyone hates reality television, and everyone’s watching it. Everyone hates Facebook, and everyone is on it.

I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I… don’t.

Because I see that as a crutch sometimes and I want to know that I can do something funny and worthwhile without that. And also make a show that my parents would like and that kids could watch with their parents.

The media here know that there’s the possibility that I can pull this off. I’m confident. Confidence comes with work. When you prepare yourself and you know you’re going into combat with all of your bullets, you have the confidence to go into battle.

There are some people i’d take a bullet for, and some people i’d like to put a bullet in.

I’d rather have a bullet inside of me than to be living in constant dread of one.

There are no silver bullets.

There are no silver bullets.

There is no silver bullet. There are always options and the options have consequences.