People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that’s an image I really didn’t need.
BILLY CONNOLLYA mate of mine has just told me he’s shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said “her brothers got a moustache!”
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
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Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?
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A well-balanced person has a drink in each hand.
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Acting is a different discipline. On stage I’m free to say what I please. But the change is very good for ya.
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I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. … That can keep me awake for days.
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce – my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions – the absurdity of the thing.
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When you involved in an accident and someone asks “are you alright?” Yes fine thanks, I’ll just pick up my limbs and be off.
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The religion in Scotland is one of the most patronising things… after the weather.
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Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?
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I’d never consciously left home to see a zombie movie. They were fine by me, but I had no intention of ever being in one. But I’ve been learning more about it as I’ve been doing interviews. I
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Now, the country is in a terrible state, and you’ve blamed it on a number of things: Unemployment rate, the value of the pound and all that… wrll, it’s because the national anthem is boring.
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I don’t believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It’s on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it’s supposed to give you a parking space. It’s worked so far.
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I once travelled to Adelaide on Emu Airways. I was 5,000 ft up in the air when someone pointed out to me that emus can’t fly
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My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
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Don’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
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