“I saw a notice that said “Drink Canada Dry” and I’ve just started.”

And two balls minus one, six titles at the tour de France.

You made one mistake. You married me.

It’s not that comedy has changed in terms of what’s funny. For me, it’s changed in that sometimes I don’t feel my finger is on the pulse.

I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer.

Every cripple has his own way of walking.

I’m into sincerity in music and sincerity in art. If it doesn’t feel true, I don’t want to do it. Things that are too dramatic scare me. I think that’s why I don’t always fit into the world of performing arts.

Whatever you hold in contempt is your jailer.

I was court-martialled in my absence, and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.

A general and a bit of shooting makes you forget your troubles … it takes your mind off the cost of living.

Most horror movies are certainly that.

I’m a Communist by day and a Catholic as soon as it gets dark.

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.

An author’s first duty is to let down his country.

I’m not an alcohol drinker. Instead of the real beer, I just go with root beer.

There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong.

Beer is a gift from the goddesses, a soothing balm given our species to bring joy and comfort in compensation for the curse of self-awareness.

It was this appetite for beer-making material that led to crop cultivation, permanent settlement and agriculture.

To drink beer is to be human.

Beer is sacred business, a mood-altering food substance that may have preserved the human species.

You are a funny man! Beer is women’s work.”

Anyone who has ever walked upright has loved beer, celebrated over it, told talks over it, hatched plots over it, courted over it.