Not to be confused with the Ukrainian hunting spider, which actually has got a limp and is, as such, completely harmless, and a little bit bitter about the whole thing.
BILL BAILEYI would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars… I’m not bitter at all.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
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I’m English, and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate; nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.
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Contentment is knowing you’re right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.
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Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
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Three women walk into a pub and say, ‘Hooray, we’ve colonised a male-dominated joke format’
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People say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’ And I say, ‘I hope so.’
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I’m quite lucky, because I’ve got a small, decorative concrete pig.
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Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you’re laughing at it.
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I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think ‘Oh my God, I’m James Blunt, what have I done?’
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There’s more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.
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Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
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Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.
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Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished.
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I’m English and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise.
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How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! …no eight!
BILL BAILEY