You remind me of the Siberian hunting spider, which adopts a highly convincing limp in three of its eight legs in order to attract its main prey.
BILL BAILEYI would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars… I’m not bitter at all.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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Live comedy’s a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You’re only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.
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If you have enough money to be comfortable it makes life a lot easier and that’s undeniable. But I think happiness is more elusive.
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I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people’s doors and running away. God that was a good game.
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What I’d like to do now – well, what I’d like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.
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There’s more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.
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I’m quite lucky, because I’ve got a small, decorative concrete pig.
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Contentment is knowing you’re right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.
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Contentment is knowing you’re right
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It’s not a beard, it’s an animal I’ve trained to sit very still.
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Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
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Thank God for Darwin, eh?
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So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!
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Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
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Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you’re laughing at it.
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Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
BILL BAILEY