“Oh aye…my Father would thrash me every now and then. He’d talk while he did it too! He’d hit me and shout, ‘Have ye had enough?’ Had enough? Whit kind of question is that? ‘Why, Father, would another kick in the balls be out of the question???’”

A testimony is a testimony, and it should be respected, whether it is small or large.

Don’t work out, work in.

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?

I can’t believe in Christianity, but I think Jesus was a wonderful teacher.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.

Golf’s really fun in Japan because of the women caddies. … I saw one guy start out playing alone with his caddie.

Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.

I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.

I’ve always liked it here. Part of me is Irish. My family comes from the west coast, so whenever I come to Ireland I get a wee tingling in my heart that I’m where I belong.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

I’ve always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can’t tell to an audience.

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.

Don’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.

People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

Wisdom isn’t an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn’t an answer. It’s a question.

I used to have Mad Cow’s disease, but I’m alright Nooooooooow.

As I see it, the thing that hurt my putting most when it was bad, was thinking too much about how I was making the stroke and not enough about getting the ball in the hole.

Golf is assuredly a mystifying game. It would seem that if a person has hit a golf ball correctly a thousand times, he should be able to duplicate the performance at will. But such is certainly not the case.

He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.

By doing that and being very competitive, the grown-ups started telling me even back before I started playing organized ball that I was too physical and too advanced for the kids my own age.

It’s just a matter of hitting the ball where I want to hit it and hopefully making some putts.

I had no knowledge of the various steps involved in the game balls and the process that happened between when they were prepared and went to the officials and went to the game. So, I’ve learned a lot about that.

Most people don’t deserve to be spoken of in the same breath as Chaplin or Lucille Ball.

Everything I did that required effort, I opened my mouth. Even to catch a ball, I opened my mouth.