I’ve always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can’t tell to an audience.
BILLY CONNOLLYOh aye…my Father would thrash me every now and then. He’d talk while he did it too! He’d hit me and shout, ‘Have ye had enough?’ Had enough? Whit kind of question is that? ‘Why, Father, would another kick in the balls be out of the question???’
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.
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The great thing about Glasgow is that if there’s a nuclear attack it’ll look exactly the same afterwards.
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People die all the time. It’s just that you’re not around.
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When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you’ve found it?
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Revolution was written into the U.S. Constitution so it’s like they’re in a constant state of revolution. But then again, happiness is written into their constitution as well, which makes them pretty unique.
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Save the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!
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Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?
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People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
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I’m not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow.
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Don’t vote, it only encourages them.
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I still do my comedy and my performance stuff and my acting so it’s not all-consuming. But I do find myself drawing more and more these days.
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The more you know the less the better.
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When I read ‘Be real, don’t get caught acting,’ I thought, ‘How the hell do you do that?’.
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When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, “Has the bus come yet?”. If the bus came would I be standing here?
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Without arts programmes there’s only reality TV, and reality TV needs the arts to show it what reality is.
BILLY CONNOLLY