I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think ‘Oh my God, I’m James Blunt, what have I done?’
BILL BAILEYIt’s the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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If you have enough money to be comfortable it makes life a lot easier and that’s undeniable. But I think happiness is more elusive.
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The so-called Samaritan squirrel, which takes pity on the spider, and then the spider jumps on it and injects the paralyzing venom, while the squirrel remains bafflingly philosophical about the whole thing.
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Nostalgia: How long’s that been around?
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I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine
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Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
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Marijuana? It’s harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it
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Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished.
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Live comedy’s a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You’re only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.
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There we go, that’s it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.
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Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
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Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying ‘Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.’
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Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you’re just doing the odd appearance, you don’t know if it will carry on.
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I try to appreciate the simple things. I’ve just been camping with my son and I enjoyed that just as much if not more than a holiday in a posh hotel. I like making a cup of tea and bacon sarnie in the morning.
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Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you’re laughing at it.
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It’s the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.
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Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
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I’m sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically.
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I’m a vegetarian, I’m not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they’re nearly fish aren’t they.
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Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
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The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we’re still alive, before we die.
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This shed does not contain me.
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What I’d like to do now – well, what I’d like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.
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There’s more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.
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The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don’t have these.
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At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time.
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Tonight’s show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn’t – haven’t made my mind up yet.
BILL BAILEY