“I have long known that it is part of God’s plan for me to spend a little time with each of the most stupid people on earth.”

All the things that are part of your heritage make you British – that makes this country what it is. It’s part of your history. And here, unlike America, it’s still living history.

A belief that no commercial activities must be allowed inside the park, but permitting unrestrained development outside, even though the landscape there may be just as outstanding.

As a rule of thumb, I would submit that if you need to call your floss provider, for any reason, you are probably not ready for this level of oral hygiene.

You are going to have a day without even the tiniest of pleasures; you are going to drive across Ohio.

You can be a scientist and believe in god: the two can go hand in hand.

I come from Des Moines. Someone had to.

Because we humans are big and clever enough to produce and utilize antibiotics and disinfectants, it is easy to convince ourselves that we have banished bacteria to the fringes of existence.

I’m not a natural story-teller. Put a keyboard in front of me and I’m fine, but stand me up in front of an audience and I’m actually quite shy and reserved.

Everything that has ever lived, plant or animal, dates its beginning from the same primordial twitch. At some point in an unimaginably distant past, some little bag of chemicals fidgeted to life. It absorbed some nutrients, gently pulsed, had a brief existence.

If you can imagine a man having a vasectomy without anesthetic to the sound of frantic sitar-playing, you will have some idea of what popular Turkish music is like.

I understand now, in a way I never did before, the colossal scale of the world. I found patience and fortitude that I didn’t know I had. I discovered an America that millions of people scarcely know exists. I made a friend. I came home.

Cheapness is a great virtue.

Making English grammar conform to Latin rules is like asking people to play baseball using the rules of football.

To understand what anyone is saying to us we must separate these noises into words and the words into sentences so that we might in our turn issue a stream of mixed sounds in response.

And a really good story because he was this kid who grew up essentially as an orphan, you know, had a tough life, and then he became the most successful baseball player ever. But he was also a really good guy.

America is a great disappointment to me. As I said in one of my books, other societies create civilisations; we build shopping malls.

The bandage will remain on the eyes of Justice as long as the Capitalist has the cut, shuffle, and deal.

We wanted to do a sequel with Jim and Jeff. They said that the word was that Jim didn’t want to do any sequels. We approached him and he said he would do it, but not until next year. New Line said it was too long to wait.

Decide to be your best. In the long run the world is going to want and have the best and that might as well be you.

When I got to Saturday Night Live, it was a lot like going from pre-school to Harvard, and it took a long time to figure stuff out.

Women have a right, I believe, to do whatever they want as long as they don’t break the law.

Romney-Ryan is likely the best matched ‘team’ that has been on a national ticket in a very long time.

After being out so long, I was more anxious to pitch than anything, just ready to get back into things.

I’d rather make music than tour.