I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars… I’m not bitter at all.
BILL BAILEYNot to be confused with the Ukrainian hunting spider, which actually has got a limp and is, as such, completely harmless, and a little bit bitter about the whole thing.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
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Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying ‘Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.’
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Relaxed Empiricism — I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
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How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! …no eight!
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Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished.
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At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time.
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Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you’re just doing the odd appearance, you don’t know if it will carry on.
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Thank God for Darwin, eh?
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The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we’re still alive, before we die.
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It’s not a beard, it’s an animal I’ve trained to sit very still.
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I’m sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically.
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There we go, that’s it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.
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People say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’ And I say, ‘I hope so.’
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I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine
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I try to appreciate the simple things. I’ve just been camping with my son and I enjoyed that just as much if not more than a holiday in a posh hotel. I like making a cup of tea and bacon sarnie in the morning.
BILL BAILEY