“In my heart, I never called one wrong.”

I told the umpires to walk back at least thirty-five feet from home plate. That reduced the arguements.

Your job is to umpire for the ball and not the player.

The most cowardly thing in the world is blaming mistakes upon the umpires. Too many managers strut around on the field trying to manage the umpires instead of their teams.

To me, baseball is not a game, but a religion.

Fix your eye on the ball from the moment the pitcher holds it in his glove. Follow it as he throws to the plate and stay with it until the play is completed. Action takes place only where the ball goes.

That guy in a twenty-five cent bleacher seat is as much entitled to know a call as the guy in the boxes. He can see my arm signal even if he can’t hear my voice.

There are one-hundred fifty-four games in a season and you can find one-hundred fifty-four reasons why your team should have won every one of them.

An angry player can’t argue with the back of an umpire who is walking away.

Jack Benny really liked my book. I know because he called me up from the library and told me.

I shouldn’t have called out Will Ferrell, but I am getting a little fed up with these people.You want to support Bernie Sanders, knock yourself out. Does he know what Bernie stands for? Does he know what Bernie wants? And I submit to you, he doesn’t.

The so-called science of poll-taking is not a science at all but mere necromancy. People are unpredictable by nature, and although you can take a nation’s pulse, you can’t be sure that the nation hasn’t just run up a flight of stairs.

Call me patch. I mean it. Call me.

I found out that a person named Elizabeth Frazier was living with AIDS at the time, and so I called her up, and she took a meeting with me.

What is called generosity is usually only the vanity of giving; we enjoy the vanity more than the thing given.

This so-called fame or being better off doesn’t really attract me at all.

This so-called contemporary art is not a form, but a philosophy of society.