Think about the amount of crap the US has done! Between slavery and the genocide of the Native Americans – if any of that had been filmed like [Adolf] Hitler, we’d never live it down.
BILL BURRI can tell you why I like different countries. Ireland – some of the funniest heckles I’ve ever gotten. And the last time I did England I did Bristol, Manchester, and then London. The whole country is just amazing to drive through.
More Bill Burr Quotes
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A little good advice, a little bad advice.You go to Las Vegas, there’s like a devil and a devil and they’re just battling it out the whole time. It’s like, “Smoke some crack!” “Get a hooker!” And then I go, “YEA! Yea, this is a good town. Smoke some crack and get a hooker! Alright!”
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Business runs hot and cold so the more you’re in charge of your own destiny, the better off you are.
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There is no reason to hit a woman. And I was just like, really? I could give you, like, 17 right off the top of my head.
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If I can sell out clubs and theaters and play dirtbags in movies, and get blown up in a car or get the crap beat out of me in a movie, that’s good for me; I’m good.
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I’m not easy to live with. My wife is a saint.
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Something that’s going to get the blood going. Or you can let those thoughts take you right down the rabbit hole.
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Ric Flair is the greatest guy ever. He just wants to hang out, have a beer, and tell stories. He’s the coolest. I’ve never met The Rock though.
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My parents have a ridiculous work ethic; my dad just works, works, works, works, works. I think it would be hard to find a guy who’s logged more hours than that guy.
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I never wanted to spend a month away from my life. One time I was out on the road for three weeks in a row and I when I came back someone had broken into my apartment and the water had evaporated from the toilet.
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I couldn’t trash [Adolf] Hitler enough. Poor bastards, they make all these contributions to the automotive industry, aeronautics, space – but you pick one wrong guy and it’s all out the window. They’re never gonna live that one down.
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Everyone should just drive out to the Mojave Desert and just experience it, and it’s a fun place to live.
BILL BURR -
I’m one of those guys where you know, I’m 23 years into this and I love the road more than ever and rather than whittling down my schedule to just play the major cities.
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I don’t think people know what hygienist means.
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You wanna know how you know you’re informed as a protestor? They don’t show your interview on TV.
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I just do my act. If people in England don’t get my joke I make fun of myself for telling it.
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So many people there are in politics that they’re overly cautious about laughing at stuff. They’re so damned concerned about what everyone else is thinking.
BILL BURR -
I mean, stand up you’re by yourself and it’s live and when you’re acting, unless you’re doing a monologue, you’re interacting with somebody else. Even if you’re doing a monologue you’re saying it to somebody and it’s not live so you can do it a few times.
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There is a very difficult period in a comedian’s career – it’s that window of time where you’re good enough to draw tickets but nobody knows you yet.
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I cannot believe that [Donald Trump] is actually in the debates.
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Being a comedian is an incredible thing, but it can be scary sometimes.
BILL BURR -
The first guy who got Aids was a French flight attendant. How you like that Frenchie! You know when I come back and run for office, that may be the one that comes back and haunts me.
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London was like that too. It was that time of year when all the rich kids with the oil money have their cars shipped over.
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Realize that sleeping on a futon when you’re 30 is not the worst thing. You know what’s worse, sleeping in a king bed next to a wife you’re not really in love with but for some reason you married, and you got a couple kids, and you got a job you hate.
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I was certified to take x-rays, but you can’t just show up and start cleaning people’s teeth.
BILL BURR -
People should be happy to see you when you show up to a club because you’re a good person. And stop caring about what the industry is “looking for”. Just say what you think is funny. .
BILL BURR -
Carnegie Hall is as good as they say it is. It’s not like Stonehenge which looks great in books but then you go there and it’s a pile of rocks next to a highway. There’s actually a highway right next to it, but you don’t see that in pictures.
BILL BURR