“Long before I was a star, I was a fan.”

Time is one of my most valuable assets.

People tell me, “I’m glad you said that.” But this is not a spectator sport. This is an activity that requires daily moral awakening as well as a commitment that leads to real change.

Power thrills, consistency kills.

If the wolf had ever come to our back door, he’d have had to bring a picnic lunch.

Sometimes the best songs almost write themselves

Just get out your magic pencil and erase the cloudy skies, and just draw a picture of me saying, I apologize.

There is only one difference between a long life and a good dinner: that, in the dinner, the sweets come last.

My lawyer has been a good friend of mine for a long time. He and I continuously have conversations.

So long as we are loved by others I should say that we are almost indispensable; and no man is useless while he has a friend.

You might be tough, but you can only be so tough for so long, you know what I mean? The brain can only take so much damage. The body can only take so much damage.

I have for a long time loved fabulist, imaginative fiction, such as the writing of Italo Calvino, Jose Saramago, Michael Bulgakov, and Salman Rushdie.

If you look at the common denominator of all the comics who have had big success, it’s being true to their nature… that’s what takes a long time to learn.

I don’t have a specific plan except for as long as people want to listen to me talk, I’m going to keep talking. I can’t imagine a life without doing standup.

The Communist bloc of old was a study in the failure of failure. Losers in the Soviet economy were the people at the end of the long lines for consumer goods. Worse losers were the people who had spent hours getting to the head of the line, only to be told that the goods were unavailable.