I used to think you had to live this miserable life and that that would make you funnier, but you don’t. The misery will come. The misery will find you.
BILL BURRIf I get married I get a tax break, if I have a kid I get a tax break, if I get a mortgage I get a tax break. I don’t have any kids and I drive a hybrid, I think I should get a tax break.
More Bill Burr Quotes
-
-
There’s no “brothers” when it comes to white people. We are just complete individuals. We don’t care about each other. He’s not my brother; my brother lives in Ohio – I don’t know that guy.
BILL BURR -
You have to understand how bad I wanted to be a comedian, how much I loved doing it. I still can’t believe I get to do this for a living and have people come up and want to see me.
BILL BURR -
I’m one of those guys where you know, I’m 23 years into this and I love the road more than ever and rather than whittling down my schedule to just play the major cities.
BILL BURR -
For aspiring comedians? Don’t listen to me. Just go on stage and do what you think is funny.
BILL BURR -
[I’m] more German than Irish.
BILL BURR -
London was like that too. It was that time of year when all the rich kids with the oil money have their cars shipped over.
BILL BURR -
I just do my act. If people in England don’t get my joke I make fun of myself for telling it.
BILL BURR -
I’m a standup comedian who gets to act. I’m never going to not do standup. I love doing it and when I go through periods where I’m doing a lot of acting work, I still do standup.
BILL BURR -
I still remember the first gig where I got people going, it was Rascals in New Jersey, and the place was packed. I was scared. People were expecting me to be funny. I gotta be honest, every time I walk into a club, it’s that same fear.
BILL BURR -
Realize that sleeping on a futon when you’re 30 is not the worst thing. You know what’s worse, sleeping in a king bed next to a wife you’re not really in love with but for some reason you married, and you got a couple kids, and you got a job you hate.
BILL BURR -
What are they worried about? Nobody ever walked into a show as a bleeding heart liberal and had a comedian undo 30 years of life experience.
BILL BURR -
Well probably the coolest show of that whole tour was in Germany. I had a chunk of material on [Adolf] Hitler, and I was worried about how they’d react, but they loved it.
BILL BURR -
I am so pro-swine flu… I want it. We need a plague. It’s got to happen; don’t be afraid. It’s only going to kill the weak.
BILL BURR -
It was right after 9/11 and I decided to walk around the grounds of the Pentagon, because I had never been there.
BILL BURR -
Out of nowhere comes this speeding camouflaged golf cart and this guy starts yelling at me, ‘What do you think you’re doing!’ The guy wrote my name down and began to follow me before I got really scared and took off as fast as I could.
BILL BURR