“Parents of young children should realize that few people, and maybe no one, will find their children as enchanting as they do.”

I don’t know about you, but I can never get enough David Letterman.

Don’t let the bastards get you down.

Parents of young children should realize that few people, and maybe no one, will find their children as enchanting as they do.

Celebrities used to be found in clusters, like oysters – and with much the same defensive mechanisms.

Children are God’s way of punishing us for having sex.

A conversation isn’t a competition.

The origin of a modern party is anthropological: humans meet and share food to lower hostility between them and indicate friendship.

When your child is in trouble, the first thing you do is blame yourself.

But for Muslims, everything that they don’t have on earth is what they get in heaven. They can drink, they can have sex. All of the forbidden pleasures on earth, you can have in paradise.

For a man who likes to talk, Fidel Castro does very few interviews.

The hardest thing you will ever do is trust yourself.

A job is not a career. I think I started out with a job. It turned into a career and changed my life.

A Hot Fudge Sundae and a trashy novel is my idea of heaven.

To excel is to reach your own highest dream. But you must also help others, where and when you can, to reach theirs. Personal gain is empty if you do not feel you have positively touched another’s life.

It’s a fact that it is much more comfortable to be in the position of the person who has been offended than to be the unfortunate cause of it.

Being a parent is tough. If you just want a wonderful little creature to love, you can get a puppy