“Seeing people get messed up never gets un-funny! And there’s plenty of ways to do that.”

Nothing is really ‘safe’.

Sometimes when you’re with somebody, and all their stuff is at your house, it’s so hard to break up with them. You don’t know what they’re going to wreck and destroy.

I’d say mostly I paint hot chicks.

Actually, I’ve always wanted to be a professional skateboarder ever since I was about six.

I’m on a lot of airplanes, so I just sip on red wine thinking of stupid ideas and, when I think of it, I wanna make it happen.

I’ve been doing pranks my whole life, so I guess I’m pretty good at it.

I like geography. I could tell you the capital of any country you want.

I’m a regular at a hospital in Pennsylvania. The Riddle Hospital in Media, Pennsylvania.

I got addicted to Tetris, playing it in my basement, I was missing all these airplane flights over it. After the fourth one that I missed, I realized I needed to get rid of this thing – so ever since then, I don’t play video games any more.

These trees and these old people have one thing in common – they’re both going in the ground soon!

Sometimes I wake up, I feel like, I’m like 80-years-old.

When you’re drunk, you always think you’re not. If you even drink at all don’t get behind the wheel.

I skate all the time, but it’s silly for me to do contests when MTV is giving me a boatload of money.

Skateboarding teaches you how to take a fall properly. If you try to kickflip down some stairs, it might take you thirty tries – and you just learn how to take a tumble out of it without getting hurt.

It’s kinda all about image.

Life’s philosophy, hm… I just say, ‘Do what you do and have fun doing it and try not to be too miserable.’