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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

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Bachelor Guy Made Mistake Once Some

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Before Clean Grow House Kid Shovel Snow Stop Up
Do not taste food while you’re cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Cook Food Lose May never Serve Taste
A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Exactly Friend Laugh Look Man Passport Photo Picture Realize
I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.’
PHYLLIS DILLER

Ago Ask Fresh Grass Hour Lady Milk Said Three Waiter
By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Common Crave Far Mist Pregnant Prepare Women
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Best Eat Getmrid Kitchen Odor Out Way
I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Afford All Children Move Them Thing Want
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Curve Set Smile Straight
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Always Children Choose Home Nice One Rest
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Age Glove Love Old Sport Through
The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Common Day Husband Married Only Same Thing
To get a roaster clean, send something like baked apples in it to a neighbor. Neighbors always return pans spotless, and you won’t have to use a blow torch on it like you usually do.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Apply Clean Neighbour Roaster Something
My body’s in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Bad Body Phase Prescription Shape Such Underwater Wear
I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing. There’s no use doing it now, it doesn’t fit anybody I know.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Anybody Behind Doing Eighteen Iron Know Now Use Year
My own laugh is the real thing and I’ve had it all my life.
PHYLLIS DILLER

All Life Own Real Thing
I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Hat On Screw Wrinkle

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