Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
GEORGE BURNSI can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
More George Burns Quotes
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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
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I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
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I don’t believe in dying. It’s been done. I’m working on a new exit. Besides, I can’t die now – I’m booked.
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You’ve got to be honest; if you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.
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I can’t afford to die; I’d lose too much money.
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I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
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How can I die? I’m booked.
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The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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It’s hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
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Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
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If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say it.
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At my age flowers scare me.
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
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It’s good to be here. At 98, it’s good to be anywhere.
GEORGE BURNS