“At age nine, I got a paper route. Sixty-six papers had to be delivered to sixty-six families every day.”

Ability is what you’re capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it.

I agreed to coach the golf team. I didn’t even know how to keep score, and really, my main job was not to wreck the van on the way to tournaments.

No matter what happens on the field, getting an education makes you a winner.

I am very much in favor of redshirting, but not at Notre Dame. But there’s no doubt about it. It puts us at a huge disadvantage.

I believe in the crucifixion of Jesus Christ.

If you burn your neighbors house down, it doesn’t make your house look any better.

At home I have a copy of the April 21, 1986, issue of ‘Sports Illustrated.’ I’m on the cover with the blurb, ‘Can Lou Do It?’ I’d just arrived at Notre Dame, and with spring football underway, I was the focal point of that week’s coverage.

Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it.

I have no desire at all to become the winningest coach at Notre Dame. The record belongs to Knute Rockne or some other coach in the future.

When the bank asks me about my assets, I include my friendship with Regis Philbin.

See, winners embrace hard work.

I’m proud to be part of the Dr. Pepper Scholarship Giveaway. It’s a great program that gives me the chance to brighten the day for some lucky college students with free tuition.

My wife looked at me and said: ‘Boy, you are skinny, aren’t you?’ I said: ‘Honey, I’d like to remind you that it was minor defects like this that kept me from getting a better wife.’

When all is said and done, more is said than done.

How you respond to the challenge in the second half will determine what you become after the game, whether you are a winner or a loser.

We were at a beach one summer, and I had a bathing suit on.

I love being on stage, I love being able to tell a story, I love the fact that the audience listens and laughs at it. It makes me happy, and it’s what I live for.

At times it seems we require more grace to lose our wealth than to lose our life!

At the end of the day, I want to be part of the same conversation as Chris Rock, Eddie Murphy, Dave Chappelle, Bill Cosby and Richard Pryor.

I don’t eat vegetables. I eat potatoes and green beans, and that’s it.

People who win go outside of that box. It’s very simple when you look at it.

I loved it at LSU.

At the end of the day, women are a distraction. Whether you realize it or not.

In 2013, I changed to left-hand low, or cross-handed. And it’s helped a lot. At the time, the reason I switched was just a lot of inconsistency with putting. I was either making a lot of putts, or I was missing a lot of putts.