“When I play with my cat, who knows whether she is not amusing herself with me more than I with her.”

I write to keep from going mad from the contradictions I find among mankind – and to work some of those contradictions out for myself.

The confidence in another man’s virtue is no light evidence of a man’s own, and God willingly favors such a confidence.

Covetousness is both the beginning and the end of the devil’s alphabet – the first vice in corrupt nature that moves, and the last which dies.

It is a sign of contraction of the mind when it is content, or of weariness. A spirited mind never stops within itself; it is always aspiring and going beyond its strength.

In true education, anything that comes to our hand is as good as a book.

Ignorance is the softest pillow on which a man can rest his head.

There is little less trouble in governing a private family than a whole kingdom.

I know well what I am fleeing from but not what I am in search of.

How many condemnations I have witnessed more criminal than the crime!

I do myself a greater injury in lying than I do him of whom I tell a lie.

He who establishes his argument by noise and command shows that his reason is weak.

For truly it is to be noted, that children’s plays are not sports, and should be deemed as their most serious actions.

Confidence in the goodness of another is good proof of one’s own goodness.

The thing I fear most is fear.

Unless a man feels he has a good enough memory, he should never venture to lie.

He who fears he shall suffer, already suffers what he fears.

Be amusing: never tell unkind stories; above all, never tell long ones.

I write and write and write, and then I edit it down to the parts that I think are amusing, or that help the storyline, or I’ll write a notebook full of ideas of anecdotes or story points.

Be sincere. Be simple in words, manners, and gestures. Amuse as well as instruct.

I cut my teeth playing rock songs on the accordion when I was a teenager and my friends always thought that was extremely amusing.

The duty of comedy is to correct men by amusing them.

Fate seemed to be playing a series of extraordinarily unamusing jokes.

Energy is what I believe all of us are. We’re just conscious awareness dancing for itself for no other reason but to stay amused.

I mean I can do it when I’m very relaxed, and with good friends, then I think I can be amusing.