People are saying that I’m an alcoholic, and that’s not true, because I only drink when I work, and I’m a workaholic.
RON WHITEI still love to walk on stage and make people laugh, and I work very, very hard at it, and I take it seriously.
More Ron White Quotes
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When I was about 12 years old back in Houston, my Dad used to take us to the driving range.
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My shows are not all-the-way filthy, but they can be.
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There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong.
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I always found that the closer I got to who I really am, on stage, the more they responded to it.
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I really understood a lot more about comedy after listening to Bill Hicks, who died at 32 years old. He’s probably the best comedian who ever lived. Although you can’t say that because of Carlin, Cosby and Pryor.
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TV is a hard job. You work 15 hours a day. People tell you what to do. I hate to do it.
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If you become famous and don’t have a live show to back it up, they’re not going to pay you any money.
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Movies are boring. It’s like watching paint dry. I did a little role in a movie, and it was eight lines. I was there for three days. It’s just horrible.
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I think the world has their own good, clean, Christian comedy. They don’t need my help.
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I’m not willing to drag my fans down a road I don’t believe in. That’s just my one little principle. I’ve only got one, and that’s it.
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When I was 20, I used to go around telling stories, and I knew where I was comfortable – onstage, talking, making ’em laugh and listen to the weirdest things. I liked being the center of attention.
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I’ve got a role in the new Billy Bob Thornton movie that Billy Bob wrote and is going to direct called ‘Jayne Mansfield’s Car.’ I only have four scenes, but I have as much dialogue as anybody in the movie.
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As long as I stay engaged with everybody else, then I’ll create more comedy. It’s just when I shut off and stay at home… What helps me is just to keep moving.
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I’ve asked these guys in rock bands with all the 18-wheelers driving to the venue how they make money. I just don’t understand it. But I don’t understand a lot of things.
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I’m set up where I make a lot of money doing stand-up, and it’s easy.
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I love Cincinnati, but you can keep that spaghetti chili product!
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Diamonds – that’ll shut her up… for a minute!
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I was so in love with the idea of making people laugh for a living that I didn’t care what I had to do to get there. Or how much money I was going to make when I did get there.
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But I work harder now because I have so much more exposure. And actually the harder you work as a writer, the better you get at it. It’s like anything else. It’s a muscle you have to exercise. I write more now than ever.
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I was a comedy fan when I was a little kid.
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All of my comedian friends are some of the best joke writers in the world.
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I had the right to remain silent… but I didn’t have the ability.
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If I’m not in the theatre, I’m in an open mic night or doing a guest set at the Comedy Club, or whatever, just trying to develop stuff.
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There have been times when I played more than others, but I’ve been a road comic for a quarter of a century, so I’ve always played golf on the road because you have a lot of time to kill.
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I write all of my material. It’s all me.
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I begged the universe to make me a famous comedian, and it did. So I tend not to ask for any more.
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