My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDOne year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDWhen I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDThe way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDOn Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDThis morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD