If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARXBlessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARX -
Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX -
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX -
Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX -
The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX -
All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX -
I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX -
Time wounds all heels.
GROUCHO MARX -
We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
GROUCHO MARX -
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX -
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX -
Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
GROUCHO MARX -
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
GROUCHO MARX