My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD
With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
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If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD