“Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.”

Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

The opposite of talking isn’t listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.

Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort.

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

Andy Warhol made fame more famous.

Verbal exchanges between consenting adults in private are as of little interest to me as they probably are to them.

If you’re going to America, bring your own food.

Polite conversation is rarely either.

Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.

I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.

I place a high moral value on the way people behave. I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word – politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit.

Humility is no substitute for a good personality.

You can’t go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.

The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.

Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.