I saw someone peeing in Jermym Street the other day. I thought, is this the end of civilization as we know it? Or is it simply someone peeing in Jermyn Street?
ALAN BENNETTImagine that. Per person. This means that if the time scale is diminished in proportion to that of space it would be quite possible for the whole story of Greece and Rome to be played out between farts.
More Alan Bennett Quotes
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It’s the one species I wouldn’t mind seeing vanish from the face of the earth.
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However bad the weather, Dad never drove to church because Mam thought the sacrament might make him incapable on the return journey.
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I was an only child. I lost both my parents. By the time I was twenty I was bald. I’m homosexual.
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Nor did they seem to think one had done them a kindness by reading their writings. Rather they had done one the kindness by writing them.
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Once I start a book I finish it. That was the way one was brought up.
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f they’d been working with Alec Guinness, for instance, they wouldn’t have known they were born if they’d not towed the line!
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Standards are always out of date. That’s what makes them standards.
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History is a commentary on the various and continuing incapabilities of men. What is history? History is women following behind with the bucket.
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But the headmaster happened to have been to Cambridge and decided to try and push some of us towards Oxford and Cambridge.
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What she was finding also was how one book led to another, doors kept opening wherever she turned and the days weren’t long enough for the reading she wanted to do.
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But then books, as I’m sure you know, seldom prompt a course of action.
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I think the writer’s quite low down in the hierarchy really. But the fact that they took the piss out of Nicholas [Hynter] who, besides being the director, is also director of the National Theatre is, I’d have thought, slightly more risky.
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I’ve never forgotten that experience. But I had nobody at school that was either like Hector or Irwin.
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One of the hardest things for boys to learn is that a teacher is human.
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Your whole life is on the other side of the glass. And there is nobody watching.
ALAN BENNETT