However bad the weather, Dad never drove to church because Mam thought the sacrament might make him incapable on the return journey.
ALAN BENNETTImagine that. Per person. This means that if the time scale is diminished in proportion to that of space it would be quite possible for the whole story of Greece and Rome to be played out between farts.
More Alan Bennett Quotes
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I bet Tom Stoppard doesn’t have to do this’ or There is no doubt David Hare would have deputed this to an underling.’
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So boring you fall asleep halfway through her name.
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Philip Larkin used to cheer himself up by looking in the mirror and saying the line from Rebecca, ‘I am Mrs de Winter now!
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We don’t see it, and because we don’t see it this means that there is no period so remote as the recent past.
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Were we closer to the ground as children, or is the grass emptier now?
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Have you ever thought, headmaster, that your standards might perhaps be a little out of date?
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History is a commentary on the various and continuing incapabilities of men. What is history? History is women following behind with the bucket.
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It’s much easier to follow something that’s not been as successful as this.
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A photograph on every mantlepiece. And all this mourning has veiled the truth. It’s not so much lest we forget, as lest we remember.
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Our father the novelist; my husband the poet. He belongs to the ages – just don’t catch him at breakfast.
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It’s like going to a place that you’ve never been to before – you’ve got a picture of it and then you go there and that picture is totally wiped out by the reality.
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Some local boys come in and there is a bit of chat between them and the fish-fryer about whether the kestrel under the counter is for sale.
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God doesn’t do notes, either. Did Jesus Christ say, “Can I be excused the Crucifixion?” No!
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The thing I think about is that once you’ve done it, you then start to think about what you’re going to do next.
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I was an only child. I lost both my parents. By the time I was twenty I was bald. I’m homosexual.
ALAN BENNETT






