I only write first editions.
GROUCHO MARXMilitary justice is to justice what military music is to music.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
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I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
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If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
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Humour is reason gone mad.
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Go, and never darken my towels again.
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Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
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If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
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The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
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I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
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I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
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Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX