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Progressives, in a way, are the new conservatives. We want to conserve what we fought to build.

Al Franken

You have to love your country like an adult loves somebody, not like a child loves its Mommy. And right-wing Republicans tend to love America like a child loves its Mommy, where everything Mommy does is okay.
AL FRANKEN

Adult Child Children Country Like Love Mean Mommy Somebody
There is a subset of Democrats who tend to mis-fill out ballots. The way you mark the ballot is like an S.A.T. – you fill in the circle. And the subset of people who tend to, like, put a check there instead, or an X, or fill it out wrong.
AL FRANKEN

Afraid Ballot Check Circle Mis-fill Our People Subset Tend Voter Wrong
And the agencies concluded that the Russians had a clear preference for President Trump.
AL FRANKEN

Agency Clear Conclude Country Preference President
that is eventually going to have an effect on soldiers and troops who are actually going to believe that and it’s wrong. It’s just wrong.
AL FRANKEN

Actual Believe Effect Eventually Go Soldier Wrong
Bill Clinton is the greatest president of the 20th century because I played touch football with him.
AL FRANKEN

Bill Century Football Great Play President Touch
When the president during the campaign said he was against nation building,
AL FRANKEN

Against Building Campaign Comedy During Nation President
He didn’t have a career as such; he was a printing salesman essentially for most of his working life.
AL FRANKEN

Career Essential Life Print Salesman Such Working
Medicare was established to secure that promise.
AL FRANKEN

Establish Medicare Promise Secure
They’ve had local rightwing guys who’ve become national rightwing guys, and who build slowly, and that’s how it goes. We haven’t had that. It isn’t like we have a farm team.
AL FRANKEN

Build Farm Guy Like Local National Rightwing Slowly Team
Oh, no, you’re kidding.’ I go, ‘No, I’m really honest.’
AL FRANKEN

Go Honest Kidding No Oh Really
Service dogs raise their masters’ sense of well-being.
AL FRANKEN

Being Dog Master Raise Sense Service Well
I don’t know how many of you have been to New York, but if a building is two blocks away from anything, you can’t see it.
AL FRANKEN

Anything Away Been Block Build Country Many
For 35 years I was a writer. I wrote a lot of jokes. Some of them weren’t funny. Some of them weren’t appropriate. Some of them were downright offensive. I understand that.
AL FRANKEN

Appropriate Downright Funny Joke Offensive Some Thirty-five Understand Writer Wrote Year Years
I’m sure I’ve devoted enough thought to Rush Limbaugh for one lifetime.
AL FRANKEN

Devote Enough Lifetime People
Whining is anger through a small opening.
AL FRANKEN

Anger Inspirational Open Small Whin
I might think they use a little bit too much oil; some people might think it’s a little dry. But the problem with al Qaeda is they want to kill us.
AL FRANKEN

Dry Kill Little might Much Person Problem Think Us Use

Progressives, in a way, are the new conservatives. We want to conserve what we fought to build.

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Progressives, in a way, are the new conservatives. We want to conserve what we fought to build.

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Popular Authors

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