If you haven’t noticed yet, working sucks. Unless you are a racecar driver or an astronaut or Beyonce, working is completely and utterly devoid of awesome.
AISHA TYLERMy parents were vegetarians. I’d show up at school, this giant black kid, with none of the cool clothes and a tofu sandwich and celery sticks.
More Aisha Tyler Quotes
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Maybe the nails are a little stubby and gnawed on, but I definitely do not have man hands.
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I like to be nice. I want to be a hero. I want to save people. Or just kill zombies, because they deserve it, because they’re already dead and they can’t feel it. They don’t have feelings.
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I’m my own boss and my boss is a total ass.
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I don’t know if I was always an open person, but I think stand-up comics specifically have this way of running towards embarrassing things.
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I talk to grown-ups who are out to have a good time and they want to be spoken to in a different way.
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I have always been a softie, and I fight it with every fiber of my being. Sadly, my being’s fibers need to hit the gym.
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I was not one of those people who wanted to be a comedian when I was growing up. I liked comedy, but didn’t know it was something you could do for a living.
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Karaoke is the great equalizer.
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I love being married. I love my husband. I think married people always have that thing where they think that the grass is greener on the single side, but all my single friends are like,
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“You are going to fail, and anyone who is success has powered through many, many failures.”
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I want to point out, that this is not my fault that everyone’s afraid of me, because I did not kill a couple people the other day.
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I’m sure I had low-level scurvy all of my childhood.
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Pop culture hales you and wants you to fail.
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I love to be busy and be challenged. I’m my happiest when I’m under pressure and almost overwhelmed by how much I have to get done.
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Sometimes the mistake I see people make is thinking that they’re always going to be up, and I think that’s impossible for anyone.
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