I’m not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don’t even want them to laugh half the time.
ADAM CAROLLAIf you are tuning in just for the show, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Everything seems overwhelming when you stand back and look at the totality of it. I build a lot of stuff and it would all seem impossible if I didn’t break it down piece by piece, stage by stage.
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Welfare is monetary methadone.
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The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
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You don’t cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.
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I have no connection with Hollywood. I’m not interested. I don’t care.
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much.
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Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
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There’s no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I’m a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.
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Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
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I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I’ve worked with women, I’ve never had an issue with women.
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My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
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It’s funny when you’re a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.
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I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty.
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Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
ADAM CAROLLA