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Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?

James Thurber

History is replete with proofs, from Cato the Elder to Kennedy the Younger, that if you scratch a statesman you find an actor, but it is becoming harder and harder, in our time, to tell government from show business.
JAMES THURBER

Business Evidence Government History Ourselves Time
All men should strive to learn before they die, what they are running from, and to, and why.
JAMES THURBER

Death Learning Man Strive Wisdom
One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough.
JAMES THURBER

Alcohol Drink Enough Right
Reason is 6/7 of treason.
JAMES THURBER

Death One Liner Reason Treason
Don’t count your boobies until they are hatched.
JAMES THURBER

Body Count Patience Yourself
Let the meek inherit the earth — they have it coming to them.
JAMES THURBER

Come Earth Inheritance Weakness
The difference between our decadence and the Russians is that while theirs is brutal, ours is apathetic.
JAMES THURBER

Brutal Difference Ourselves
Comedy has to be done en clair. You can’t blunt the edge of wit or the point of satire with obscurity. Try to imagine a famous witty saying that is not immediately clear.
JAMES THURBER

Clear Comedy Famous Imagination Point
Somebody has said that woman’s place is in the wrong. That’s fine. What the wrong needs is a woman’s presence and a woman’s touch. She is far better equipped than men to set it right.
JAMES THURBER

Place Presence Right Woman Wrong
Art – the one achievement of man which has made the long trip up from all fours seem well advised
JAMES THURBER

Achievement Advice Art Man
I never quite know when I’m not writing. Sometimes my wife comes up to me at a party and says, “Dammit, Thurber, stop writing.” She usually catches me in the middle of a paragraph.
JAMES THURBER

Catch Herself Known Myself Poet Quite Writing
Two is company, four is a party, three is a crowd. One is a wanderer.
JAMES THURBER

Company Crowd Party Travel Wanderer
The past is an old armchair in the attic, the present an ominous ticking sound, and the future is anybody’s guess.
JAMES THURBER

Future Guess Past Sound
A pinch of probability is worth a pound of perhaps.
JAMES THURBER

Probability Thinking Worth
A burden in the bush is worth two on your hands.
JAMES THURBER

Burden Hands Worth
Comedy has ceased to be a challenge to the mental processes. It has become a therapy of relaxation, a kind of tranquilizing drug.
JAMES THURBER

Challenge Comedy Drugs Therapy

Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?

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Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?

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