“We die only once, and for such a long time.”

It’s true Heaven forbids some pleasures, but a compromise can usually be found.

The impromptu reply is precisely the touchstone of the man of wit.

Then worms shall try That long preserved virginity, And your quaint honor turn to dust, And into ashes all my lust. The grave’s a fine and private place But none, I think, do there embrace.

The true touchstone of wit is the impromptu.

The envious will die, but envy never.

Two wives? That exceeds the custom.

The most effective way of attacking vice is to expose it to public ridicule. People can put up with rebukes but they cannot bear being laughed at: they are prepared to be wicked but they dislike appearing ridiculous.

Dom Juan believes neither in Heaven, nor the saints, nor God, nor the Werewolf.

Age brings about everything; but it is not the time, Madam, as we know, to be a prude at twenty.

I will maintain it before the whole world.

To create a public scandal is what’s wicked; to sin in private is not a sin.

All the power is with the sex that wears the beard.

Grammar, which knows how to lord it over kings, and with high hands makes them obey its laws.

One ought to look a good deal at oneself before thinking of condemning others.

I want to be distinguished from the rest; to tell the truth, a friend to all mankind is not a friend for me.

No matter what Aristotle and the Philosophers say, nothing is equal to tobacco; it’s the passion of the well-bred, and he who lives without tobacco lives a life not worth living.