“There’s nothing quite like tobacco: it’s the passion of decent folk, and whoever lives without tobacco doesn’t deserve to live.”

Malicious tongues spread their poison abroad and nothing here below is proof against them.

People spend most of their lives worrying about things that never happen.

There is no praise to bear the sort that you put in your pocket.

And knowing money is a root of evil, in Christian charity, he’d take away whatever things may hinder your salvation.

It’s true Heaven forbids some pleasures, but a compromise can usually be found.

The impromptu reply is precisely the touchstone of the man of wit.

Then worms shall try That long preserved virginity, And your quaint honor turn to dust, And into ashes all my lust. The grave’s a fine and private place But none, I think, do there embrace.

The true touchstone of wit is the impromptu.

The envious will die, but envy never.

Two wives? That exceeds the custom.

The most effective way of attacking vice is to expose it to public ridicule. People can put up with rebukes but they cannot bear being laughed at: they are prepared to be wicked but they dislike appearing ridiculous.

Dom Juan believes neither in Heaven, nor the saints, nor God, nor the Werewolf.

Age brings about everything; but it is not the time, Madam, as we know, to be a prude at twenty.

I will maintain it before the whole world.

To create a public scandal is what’s wicked; to sin in private is not a sin.

All the power is with the sex that wears the beard.