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I said we are Ghodratis and there’s nothing that Ghodratis like more than a bargain.

Aasif Mandvi

You can get samosas in any pub in England today, pretty much. So, “Gunga Din” has come back.
AASIF MANDVI

Back Come England Pub Samosa Today
North Carolina precinct chairman and GOP executive committee member Don Yelton thinks his state’s new voting restrictions are just fine.
AASIF MANDVI

Carolina Definitely Don Member North Restriction State Thinking Voting Yelton
I was born in India – but never really lived there.
AASIF MANDVI

Born India Live Really
We are Muslims. My father would pawn off his Muslim in-laws as Hindus just so that he could get free pancakes.
AASIF MANDVI

Cast Father Law Pancake Pawn
When you’re brown and Indian, you get offered a lot of doctor roles.
AASIF MANDVI

Brown Doctor Indian Offer Roles
It’s an organic thing that I try not to analyze too much, because I worry that it will go away.
AASIF MANDVI

Analyze Away Going Try Trying Worry
When I was 11 my friend’s mom made a peanut butter sandwich. I ate the sandwich and was like, ‘I’m never eating anything else again.’ And I still eat peanut butter every day. I would put peanut butter on a steak.
AASIF MANDVI

Ate Eating Friend Made Mom Peanut Butter Sandwich
If people invited Muslims into their home every week by way of a TV show would go a long way to making people feel comfortable with Muslims and countering misconceptions about who we are. Plus, of course, that will make it easier for us to impose sharia law across America.
AASIF MANDVI

Comfortable Every Feel Home Long People Week
I think family dynamics are definitely very interesting. And in my case my sister did get married. She gave my parents a grandchild.
AASIF MANDVI

Definitely Dynamic Grandchildren Interesting Married Parent Sister Thinking
I was a fan of “The Daily Show” I watched it,I never imagined being on it, but I figured I would just go down there and do my best Stephen Colbert impression.
AASIF MANDVI

Daily Down Fan Figure Imagine Impression Show Watch
I’m Muslim the way many of my Jewish friends are Jewish: I avoid pork, and I take the big holidays off.
AASIF MANDVI

Big Friend Holiday Jewish Muslim Off Pork Way
I think politicians and comedians have a lot in common. One is a group of approval-seeking narcissists who will say and do anything to be liked… and comedians are always talking about politics.
AASIF MANDVI

Approval Comedian Common Grop Politician Seeking Talking Thinking
From my parent’s generation the idea was not that marriage was about some kind of idealized, romantic love. It was a partnership. It’s about creating family. It’s about creating offspring.
AASIF MANDVI

Creating Generation Idea Ideas Marriage Parent Romantic Love
It is ironic that it doesn’t matter how successful I am in any other capacity. Ultimately, my parents marker is do you have a wife? And do you have children?
AASIF MANDVI

Children Iconic Marker Successful Wife
Getting chased home from the bus stop after school by English kids, boarding school, being targeted for praying to what they call Allah wallah ding dong.
AASIF MANDVI

Bus Chased English Getting Home Kid Praying Stop
Now the bigots have to get creative. Good luck coming up with slurs for Chechens. Go back where you came from, Ushanka head.
AASIF MANDVI

Bigot Chechen Committee Creative Good Luck

I said we are Ghodratis and there’s nothing that Ghodratis like more than a bargain.

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I said we are Ghodratis and there’s nothing that Ghodratis like more than a bargain.

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