Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
GEORGE CARLINPeople can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.
More George Carlin Quotes
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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How can he be perfect? Everything he ever makes, dies.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
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Pardon me I’ve got nothing to say.
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If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
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I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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If we could only find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
GEORGE CARLIN