Meow means woof in cat.
GEORGE CARLINThe God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Religion is just mind control.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.
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People can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.
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The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
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Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
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With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
GEORGE CARLIN