Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
GEORGE CARLINThe God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Is there another word for synonym?
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
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Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
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Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
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With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.
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Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.
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If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
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Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other’s picture.
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If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
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Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
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There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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If your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.
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I don’t have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you’ll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
GEORGE CARLIN