Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
GEORGE CARLINWeather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
More George Carlin Quotes
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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
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Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
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I’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
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The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
GEORGE CARLIN