“Don’t keep saying, “I don’t know where the time goes.” It goes the same place it’s always gone and no one has ever known where that is.”

The fastest thing computers do is go obsolete.

When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.

I’ve learned, That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I’ve learned That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

Christians talk as though goodness was their idea but good behavior doesn’t have any religious origin. Our prisons are filled with the devout.

Civilization means conforming to a standard of behavior that may not seem natural to us.

I just wish this social institution [religion] wasnt based on what appears to me to be a monumental hoax built on an accumulation of customs and myths directed toward proving something that isnt true.

I’ve learned, That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I’ve learned That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I’ve learned that everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

I’d like to be rich enough so I could throw soap away after the letters are worn off.

Go to bed. Whatever you’re staying up late for isn’t worth it.

Familiar things are a comfort to us all.

The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!

The third rule of life is this: Everything you buy today is smaller, more expensive, and not as good as it was yesterday.

I’ve learned that no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.