Women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
ANDY ROONEYWould a real man get caught eating a twinkie?
More Andy Rooney Quotes
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I just wish this social institution [religion] wasnt based on what appears to me to be a monumental hoax built on an accumulation of customs and myths directed toward proving something that isnt true.
ANDY ROONEY -
If you get murdered because you go on a date with someone you met on the Internet, you probably deserved it.
ANDY ROONEY -
Civilization means conforming to a standard of behavior that may not seem natural to us.
ANDY ROONEY -
Would a real man get caught eating a twinkie?
ANDY ROONEY -
I’ve learned that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
ANDY ROONEY -
Anyone should be very suspicious of a sentence he’s written that can’t be read aloud easily.
ANDY ROONEY -
A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, “What are you thinking?”. She doesn’t care what you think.
ANDY ROONEY -
The great virtue of being alone is that your mind can go its own way.
ANDY ROONEY -
Christians talk as though goodness was their idea but good behavior doesn’t have any religious origin. Our prisons are filled with the devout.
ANDY ROONEY -
It’s paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.
ANDY ROONEY -
I’ve learned, That it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
ANDY ROONEY -
I’ve learned… That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
ANDY ROONEY -
I’ve learned, That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
ANDY ROONEY -
Nothing in fine print is ever good news.
ANDY ROONEY -
People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.
ANDY ROONEY -
I dislike loud-mouthed patriots who suggest they like our country more than I do. Some people’s idea of patriotism is hating other countries.
ANDY ROONEY -
Never trust the food in a restaurant on top of the tallest building in town that spends a lot of time folding napkins.
ANDY ROONEY -
Half the cookbooks tell you how to cook the food and the other half tell you how to avoid eating it.
ANDY ROONEY -
Do I have opinions that might piss people off? Yes – that’s what I’m here for.
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I’ve learned. That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you more.
ANDY ROONEY -
Don’t rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.
ANDY ROONEY -
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
ANDY ROONEY -
I’d like to be rich enough so I could throw soap away after the letters are worn off.
ANDY ROONEY -
I’ve learned that everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
ANDY ROONEY -
One of the sweetest things in life: a letter from a friend.
ANDY ROONEY -
I’ve learned… that just one person saying to me, ‘You’ve made my day!’ makes my day.
ANDY ROONEY