If you get murdered because you go on a date with someone you met on the Internet, you probably deserved it.
ANDY ROONEYIf dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.
More Andy Rooney Quotes
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If I’d known how many problems I was going to run into before I finished, I can’t remember a single project I would have started.
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The third rule of life is this: Everything you buy today is smaller, more expensive, and not as good as it was yesterday.
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The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!
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Vegetarian – that’s an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.
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I’ve learned that under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
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Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.
ANDY ROONEY -
I’ve learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
ANDY ROONEY -
Do I have opinions that might piss people off? Yes – that’s what I’m here for.
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I’ve learned, That life is tough, but I’m tougher.
ANDY ROONEY -
Being kind is more important than being right.
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Most of the people in the world are good and decent if you give them a chance to be.
ANDY ROONEY -
I’ve learned, That love, not time, heals all wounds.
ANDY ROONEY -
I’ve learned, That I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help him in some other way.
ANDY ROONEY -
Elephants and grandchildren never forget.
ANDY ROONEY -
People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.
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I’ve learned, That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
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Familiar things are a comfort to us all.
ANDY ROONEY -
I had one typewriter for 50 years, but I have bought seven computers in six years. I suppose that’s why Bill Gates is rich, and Underwood is out of business.
ANDY ROONEY -
Civilization means conforming to a standard of behavior that may not seem natural to us.
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Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.
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I’ve learned… that just one person saying to me, ‘You’ve made my day!’ makes my day.
ANDY ROONEY -
I don’t like food that’s too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I’d buy a painting.
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Nothing in fine print is ever good news.
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I’d be more willing to accept religion, even if I didn’t believe it, if I thought it made people nicer to each other but I don’t think it does.
ANDY ROONEY -
I’ve learned That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
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Those of us who don’t have a party affiliation ought to be able to register under the heading “Confused.
ANDY ROONEY