“If you lose the power to laugh, you lose the power to think.”

In order to have enough freedom, it is necessary to have too much.

Laws should be like clothes. They should be made to fit the people they are meant to serve.

The fear of God is not the beginning of wisdom. The fear of God is the death of wisdom. Skepticism and doubt lead to study and investigation, and investigation is the beginning of wisdom.

Each child should be more intelligent than his parents.

The objector and the rebel who raises his voice against what he believes to be the injustice of the present and the wrongs of the past is the one who hunches the world along.

The best that we can do is to be kindly and helpful toward our friends and fellow passengers who are clinging to the same speck of dirt while we are drifting side by side to our common doom.

Great wealth often curses all who touch it.

One cannot live through a long stretch of years without forming some philosophy of life.

The purpose of man is like the purpose of a pollywog – to wiggle along as far as he can without dying; or, to hang to life until death takes him.

I am a friend of the working man, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.

Some of you say religion makes people happy. So does laughing gas.

It is bigotry for public schools to teach only one theory of origins.

There are a lot of myths which make the human race cruel and barbarous and unkind. Good and Evil, Sin and Crime, Free Will and the like delusions made to excuse God for damning men and to excuse men for crucifying each other.

The origin of the absurd idea of immortal life is easy to discover; it is kept alive by hope and fear, by childish faith, and by cowardice.

Any one who thinks is an agnostic about something, otherwise he must believe that he is possessed of all knowledge. And the proper place for such a person is in the madhouse or the home for the feeble-minded.

The only real lawyers are trial lawyers, and trial lawyers try cases to juries.

I don’t laugh at me. I used to. I used to get the giggles when I’d see myself. But now, I see myself onscreen, and I sure don’t laugh.

Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.

I laugh and I cry and I reason on until the late night, but I never feel the urge to call you. The person that I once knew is forever frozen in time.

Laughter is carbonated holiness.

Those who don’t know how to weep with their whole heart, don’t know how to laugh either.

In all of living, have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured.

My fans are so funny, they make me laugh so much. I’ve got some really, really, funny, clever fans.

I’ve always thought that a big laugh is a really loud noise from the soul saying, “Ain’t that the truth.”