There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.
AMBROSE BIERCEDistance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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LIFE, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed.
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Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
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RATIONAL, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.
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The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.
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Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else
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Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
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Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.
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A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.
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RUMOR, n. A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.
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The covers of this book are too far apart.
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Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
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LAWYER, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.
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Age, with his eyes in the back of his head, thinks it wisdom to see the bogs through which he has floundered.
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Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
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Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.
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