Consul – in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.
AMBROSE BIERCEDebt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.
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There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.
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Optimist – A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
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I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
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Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
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Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.
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Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
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Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman’s power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
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Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.
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The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.
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Democracy is defended in 3 stages. Ballot Box, Jury Box, Cartridge Box.
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Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
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Don’t steal; thou’lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.
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Life – a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
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Wine, madam, is God’s next best gift to man.
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A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.
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MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people’s beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.
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All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.
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Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it.
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Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.
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Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
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Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
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MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.
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Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
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Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
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Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
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