Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
AMBROSE BIERCEPrescription: A physician’s guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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PITY, n. A failing sense of exemption, inspired by contrast.
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Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man – who has no gills.
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Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.
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Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
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Fidelity – a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
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Consul – in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.
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War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.
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Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
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Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
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Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
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Riot – A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.
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Wine, madam, is God’s next best gift to man.
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MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.
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Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
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Scriptures – The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
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