I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARXMy mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
GROUCHO MARX -
A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.
GROUCHO MARX -
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
GROUCHO MARX -
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX -
The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX -
Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARX -
My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX -
If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
GROUCHO MARX -
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX -
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX -
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX -
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
GROUCHO MARX -
Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
GROUCHO MARX -
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX






