While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARXMy mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
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If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
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Any place I hang my head is home.
GROUCHO MARX