In the human race today, you came last.
SPIKE MILLIGANLife is a long agonized illness only curable by death.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.
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I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
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Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
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If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
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A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
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Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
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Her mother was a cultivated woman – she was born in a greenhouse.
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I’m Irish. We think sideways.
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To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
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Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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I’m a hero with coward’s legs.
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Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
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We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
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Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
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I told you I was sick.
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I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
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Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
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This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it’s meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in
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Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
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If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
SPIKE MILLIGAN